My friend worries all the time. She worries if the person who has suddenly come into her life is serious about her or not. She doesn’t know if he’s into her despite her having worn her heart on her sleeve. I know this was hard for her, and as she’s always been the cynical sort, new to these situations. They talk a lot, they speak about the future. But there are no labels. And that is when I realized something.
Without labels no-one understands what to make of a new relationship. Are you just friends? Are you more than friends? Are you going out if its obvious you like each other? What are you? How do you know if this is real or not? And more than this, how do you explain it to other people?
It is much easier when we are younger. You can smack any label onto it and do as you please. And then suddenly you grow up. Or well, people see you as grown up. You become aware of society and the responsibilities a relationship entails and you start to worry.
“If it isn’t serious, is he just using me? ”
“Okay so we spoke all night, but do you think he’s interested in me?”
“We didn’t speak for 2 days!”
“Okay so we aren’t dating, so I can’t just be annoyed at him for little things because like, its not official you know?
“Man, I’m just having some fun, so what? ”
And you know what? It is fine to not know. It is fine to go through your day one moment, one minute at a time. It is perfectly normal to not know if its serious yet or not, and it is also okay to pretend like you know what you are doing. It’s definitely easier, infinitely easier to smack a label or categorize whatever it is you two have because then you’ll think you’ll have a playbook that society and culture have cultivated over the years. You’ll know what is expected. You’ll know that you should celebrate one month, or remember the date you became official, or figure out that those inside jokes you two have are secret inside jokes.
But it is also a far better idea to not worry about those things. To take things at your own pace, to forge your own path. If it is meant to be, it will be. So my answer to all your questions, my darling, is this:
Let it go. Let it happen of its own accord. Your propensity to overthink in this realm will only be detrimental. You are not compromising on yourself, and no you are not changing as a person. He is so lucky to have you in his life, just as I am to have you in mine. Yes, he does like you. No, he is not playing you. Yes, he does seem like a great person and I hope for you this is the real deal. No, you are not allowed to look down upon yourself and don’t you dare listen to those people who you and I both know as being a little traditional in their views. You do not have to prove this to anyone, and least of all yourself. I’m so proud of you for how you’ve managed and micromanaged these situations and I have no advice for you. Why do you think my messages comprise solely of laughter and emoticons now? Just know, that I am more than capable of shooting his knee-caps off if he even tries to pull a fast one.
You’ve got a solid head and a lovely heart. I love you, you gem.
unsatiatedexpectations 